Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
