i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
