I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
