Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Randomize
