Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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