grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
