Your face is a jimmy john
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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