I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
