my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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