just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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