Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
