so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
