Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
