I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
