I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he puts the penis in happiness.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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