Just cropdusted the office
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
