Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
