it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Damn victory sex feels great
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
