youre lurking in front of me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
