What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
