Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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