You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
