you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
