if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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