Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
