i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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