This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
