the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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