dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
