i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
