My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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