Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
