i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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