Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
