I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
