I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
