I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
