So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
