Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
