That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize