We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
