hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
