it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
