You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
