You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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