can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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