just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
