Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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