He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
