i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
