How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
