4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
